


I am Sam Winchester and I will not be afraid

by KloWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester-centric, idk how to tag sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 06:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17823614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KloWinchester/pseuds/KloWinchester
Summary: I am Sam Winchester,and I will not be afraid.Then, this sentence followed him his whole life. Every time he felt alone. Everytime Dean left him. While he had nightmares. When he had to be brave.





	I am Sam Winchester and I will not be afraid

**Author's Note:**

> hey, it's my first time publishing a fic here, but i already posted it on my tumblr; klowinchester if you want to say hello. english isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes. also feedback will really be helpfull <3\. love you all, hope you like this little fic!

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

the first time he said it was the first time dean left him to go on a hunt with dad. dean asked him to be brave, told him he’ll be back, told him he could do this. told him he had no reasons to be afraid. so, alone in his bed, waiting for dean to be back, he said to himself, again and again;

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

then, this sentence followed him his whole life. everytime he was left alone. everytime dean left him. while he was at school and the others called him a freak. he would always say to himsef:

i am sam wincheser,

and i will not be afraid.

then standford came, and he felt more safe than he ever felt, he forgot about it. and four years later, when he could still feel the heat of the fire on his skin, he thought about it again.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

and he had no reasons, right? he was with dean. he was safe.

he was telling himself this sentence all the time. when he felt alone, when they were on a hunt, when he was trying to sleep, not wanting to have a nightmare again. when they were looking for dad. when dean almost died because of this stupid electric shock.

when dad died. when he died. when they fought against azazel, when dean died because of the deal, because of him. when he learned he was lucifer’s vessel.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

it didn’t really help, but it was the familiarity of the words that help a little. and he repeated it. when he freed lucifer from the cage. before he let lucifer possessed him, he repeated his mantra again and again and again.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

for dean.

and when he finally took control again, when he was about to jump in this dark and bottomless pit, right in the cage, he wasn’t afraid, he just felt love. endless love for his brother. so he jumped. and during all those millenas in the cage, this was the only phrase he remembered from his life. those words and those green eyes.

then he was back with dean, then the wall in his head broke down, and he used his mantra again.

when he has hallucinations, when dean disappeared from the surface of the earth with the leviathans, and when dean was back again, he thought he wouldn’t need the phrase again, but then. then the trials.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

not anymore, please.

he almost died trying closing the gates, and when he asked death to make sure he couldn’t be back for good, he wasn’t afraid. maybe a little sad.

when he figuered he was ossessed by an angel. again.

i am sam winchester,

i will not be afraid.

when dean got the mark, every night he told his mantra to himself. when he found out his brother was a demon. when finally got him back, still unsettled by the fact that his brother wanted to killed him. with a hammer. when he freed the darkness. when he saw lucifer again. when dean walk toward his own death to save the world from amara.

when he was captured by the british men of letters, tortured again.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

my brother’s dead.

when his brother saved him, and his mother was with him, he wasn’t afraid. confused maybe. when he had to see lucifer again, talk to him, look at him. he was repeating this sentence in his head, again and again. when lucifer was stuck in this other world with their mother, he kept thinking it. when he found jack.

i am sam winchester,

and i will not be afraid.

i am a father?

then lucifer is killed by dean. sam thought he will not be afraid anymore. but then micheal took control. and vanished.

he got him back. dean’s back and he’s so relieved.

they hug.

“i don’t want to be afraid anymore dean.”

dean hug him tighter. noded.

the last time sam thought it was when he was in dean’s arms. he was losing his blood and he didn’t knew if dean was breathing or not. one last hunt, huh. one stupid mistake. he took a shaky breath, his vision getting darker. he felt dean’s hand on his hair. dean’s alive. not for long. he wants to say something, anything to his big brother. but he can’t talk anymore.

“shh, it’s okay sammy, it’s okay. i’m here. not gonna leave you. don’t be afraid, i’ll follow you. always.”

he closed his eyes.

i am sam winchester,

and i am not afraid.

because he was with dean, in the impala, they were young again, and the sky was full of stars.

and he wasn’t afraid. he was with his brother. for the rest of the eternity.


End file.
